Phillipsburg, NJ - In a masterclass of accidental comedy, Phillipsburg Town Council attempted to teach parents about responsibility, only to receive a crash course from the very adults it was trying to lecture.
The ordinance was proposed amid concerns about repeated juvenile misconduct, including property damage and other disturbances around town. Apparently, some youngsters have been treating parental supervision like an optional subscription service.
Council’s solution? Hold parents accountable when their children repeatedly break certain laws.
The revised proposal focuses on qualifying criminal and municipal offenses. Two qualifying convictions within 18 months could trigger proceedings against a parent or legal guardian, although parents would have the opportunity to contest responsibility.
Apparently, even grown-ups get a chance to say, “But you don’t understand!”
Sounds straightforward. Unfortunately, several grown-ups actually read the original version.
Residents raised concerns about overly broad language, questioned whether babysitters could be penalized, and explained why the town might want to think this one through.
Council listened to the mommies and daddies, narrowed the offenses, clarified the definitions, and advanced the revised ordinance on October 13 like good boys.
They were then allowed to go out and play.
Apparently, parental supervision works.
The proposal still requires another reading and public hearing before final adoption, scheduled for October 27.
In fairness, Council deserves credit for listening, accepting criticism, and correcting its homework.
Most parents would call that progress.
The rest of us call it surviving the first marking period.
And if Council gets the ordinance wrong twice within 18 months, perhaps the parents should be allowed to ground it.
This article is intended for satirical purposes only. If you choose to believe this bullshit, we welcome your readership, but seriously question your intellect.