Phillipsburg, NJ - In a shocking development, the Black Bridge is reopening Thursday, a full day earlier than announced, leaving residents questioning whether somebody in government accidentally did their job.
The news sent shockwaves through P.A.J.A.M.A. (Phillipsburg Association of Judgmental Adults Monitoring Absolutely Everything), whose members had already prepared another full day of complaints.
Armed with coffee tumblers, cigarettes, and lawn chairs, the group immediately launched an investigation.
“We were promised Friday,” declared the group’s chairwoman. “You can’t just finish something early. Some of us have schedules.”
Members reportedly demanded to know who authorized the efficiency and whether taxpayers were entitled to a refund for the unused day of inconvenience.
“We were mentally prepared to complain until Friday,” explained the group’s chairwoman. “Now we’ve got a whole day of bitching with nowhere to put it.”
With the sidewalks still closed, P.A.J.A.M.A. announced plans to monitor the reopening from their lawn chairs.
Apparently, the only thing that opened early was their mouths.
This article is intended for satirical purposes only. If you choose to believe this bullshit, we welcome your readership, but seriously question your intellect.