Phillipsburg, NJ - With council scheduled tonight to consider up to $35,000 in additional engineering services for stormwater compliance, Phillipsburg may have a cheaper recreational opportunity staring it directly in the basement.
The proposal covers code and policy updates, watershed reports, and state submissions. Meanwhile, residents have a simpler drainage report: the street is underwater again.
Rather than waste another heavy rain, Mercer Street could become the lazy river, Sitgreaves Street the wave pool, and the intersection of Marshall and Firth the splash zone nobody remembers purchasing a season pass for.
Operating hours would depend entirely on the weather. Residents would bring their own tubes, while floating garbage cans would provide complimentary obstacle courses.
The engineering paperwork would remain important. Every successful water park needs documentation explaining why it’s in front of somebody’s house.
Admission would be free. Getting the water out of your basement would remain your responsibility.
This article is intended for satirical purposes only. If you choose to believe this bullshit, we welcome your readership, but seriously question your intellect.