Phillipsburg, NJ - Following a contentious Town Council meeting in which two bills were pulled from payment, Phillipsburg officials have reportedly discovered a revolutionary new approach to municipal finance: Buy Now, Pay Later.
Under a proposed partnership with Affirm, the town could finally stop worrying about paying bills all at once and instead spread the financial burden across four convenient installments.
The arrangement would allow Phillipsburg to maintain essential government operations while giving council members additional opportunities to argue over the same invoice every two weeks.
Residents expressed concern after learning that the town’s next payment could be declined because three council members refused to click “Confirm Purchase.”
Officials are also reportedly exploring Klarna for emergency expenditures and Afterpay for ceremonial ribbon cuttings.
One municipal observer suggested the town might qualify for a higher spending limit if council could go 30 consecutive days without arguing over a payment.
This article is intended for satirical purposes only. If you choose to believe this bullshit, we welcome your readership, but seriously question your intellect.

