Phillipsburg, NJ - Town Council finally adopted a parental responsibility ordinance Tuesday night after it’s second public reading, giving parents 20 days to prepare for the horrifying possibility of having to supervise their own children.
P.A.J.A.M.A., the Phillipsburg Association of Judgmental Adults Monitoring Absolutely Everything, immediately objected, arguing that watching their own children would interfere with their ability to monitor everyone else’s.
Meanwhile, A.C.T.I.V.E., Adults Committed To Involvement, Values & Example, condemned the ordinance as government overreach, insisting nobody has the right to tell them how to raise children they occasionally remember having.
A third organization, C.A.G.E., Citizens Against Generational Entitlement, representing residents without children, called the ordinance ridiculously lenient, demanding mandatory jail sentences for anyone under 18 who appears to be enjoying themselves in public.
All three groups are planning protests.
P.A.J.A.M.A. needs babysitters, A.C.T.I.V.E. refuses to be told to hire babysitters, and C.A.G.E. wants the babysitters arrested for aiding and abetting.
For once, Phillipsburg has found an issue that brings everyone together.
Nobody wants to deal with the fucking kids.
This article is intended for satirical purposes only. If you choose to believe this bullshit, we welcome your readership, but seriously question your intellect.