Phillipsburg, NJ - Pennywise the Dancing Clown abandoned his Halloween plans after P.A.J.A.M.A. member Debra McBitchley mistook his South Main Street storm drain for somewhere to air her grievances.
Their first encounter lasted 47 minutes and covered an ex-husband, a neighbor’s camera, and screenshots she expected him to read through the grate.
“I know your deepest fears,” Pennywise told her.
“Then you know what my neighbors are like,” Debra replied, settling into a folding chair.
He tried showing her a terrifying vision.
She asked him to send it to her so she could post it on the What’s Really Going on in Phillipsburg Facebook page.
By Halloween Eve, Pennywise had withdrawn deeper into the sewer. Debra remained at the curb in her robe and slippers, demanding he come back.
“I can see your balloon, asshole. I know you’re home.”
This article is intended for satirical purposes only. If you choose to believe this bullshit, we welcome your readership, but seriously question your intellect.