Phillipsburg, NJ - Tensions are rising at neighborhood bus stops after members of P.A.J.A.M.A. announced the formation of their new Bus Stop Brigade, a group dedicated to defending parents’ right to enjoy a morning cigarette while waiting for their children to board the school bus.
The movement began after members of A.C.T.I.V.E. repeatedly asked parents to stop smoking around children at bus stops.
A.C.T.I.V.E. argues that exposing children to secondhand smoke is dangerous and that parents should be more considerate of the little ones waiting nearby.
P.A.J.A.M.A. strongly disagrees.
“I have smokers’ rights,” declared one brigade member. “Smoking calms my nerves, and my doctor gave me a prescription for nicotine. That’s basically a medical marijuana card for cigarettes.”
When confronted with medical research about secondhand smoke, brigade members dismissed the findings as a conspiracy.
“Those studies are fake,” explained one member. “I saw a lady on TikTok explain the whole thing. Besides, NASCAR drivers smoke, and they’re going 200 miles an hour. If it was dangerous, they wouldn’t let them drive.”
A.C.T.I.V.E. members responded by pointing out that NASCAR drivers generally don’t compete with a Marlboro hanging out of their mouths.
P.A.J.A.M.A. called that argument irrelevant.
The Bus Stop Brigade has since announced plans to establish designated smoking areas at every neighborhood bus stop, preferably directly beneath the existing NO SMOKING signs.
When asked whether the group would consider simply waiting until the children boarded the bus before lighting up, a P.A.J.A.M.A. spokesperson replied:
“And let A.C.T.I.V.E. think they won? Absolutely not.”
This article is intended for satirical purposes only. If you choose to believe this bullshit, we welcome your readership, but seriously question your intellect.