Phillipsburg, NJ - Following Council’s groundbreaking partnership with Affirm, the Mayor has introduced a collection method that requires no app, credit check, or cooperation from elected officials: a kid on a bicycle.
After fronting $2,000 for town entertainment while awaiting Warren County funding, the Mayor reportedly discovered that the county money had arrived, but his reimbursement apparently needed more time to find itself.
He has since recruited a lookalike of the relentless paperboy, Johnny Gasparini, from Better Off Dead to follow council members with one question:
“Where’s my $2000?”
The assignment includes council meetings, sidewalk encounters, and appearing beside car windows just as members think they’ve escaped.
Four easy payments of $500 remain acceptable.
Until then, the town’s entertainment reimbursement dispute will continue providing the town with free entertainment.
Editor’s Note: Anyone born after the 1980s should put down their phone and go watch Better Off Dead with John Cusack. You’ll understand the joke. Everyone else has been saying “two dollars” since the headline.
This article is intended for satirical purposes only. If you choose to believe this bullshit, we welcome your readership, but seriously question your intellect.